


not to me

by DwarfStarr



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Post season finale, So much angst, Spoilers, i think, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-05-09 03:40:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14708421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DwarfStarr/pseuds/DwarfStarr
Summary: He's the Devil.It's all true.





	not to me

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first thing I've posted in a long long long long LOOOONNNG time, and the first thing I've posted in this fandom - AAANND the first thing I've posted to this account. I've been a lurker since...summer of last year? Maybe? Has it been that long already? My internal clock was smashed to smithereens when I was like 10 and now I hardly ever know what day it is. 
> 
> i'm not an avid writer, so please correct any misuse of grammar, it is highly appreciated~
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy my (probably terrible) take on the season 3 finale :)

“Detective?”

He was staring at her, his brow furrowed and head tilted. _God_ , why did he have to sound the same? His soulful voice and that face, they didn't match. It matched the look his was giving her, though; the pinched, concerned one. She could see him, through the marred, red flesh; echoes of his behavior, his mannerisms.

He just looked so _confused_ , like he didn't even realize what he was. When he took hesitant, cautious step forward, Chloe took an instinctive one back. He froze, his red and black eyes gaining a hurt look in them.

_He's the Devil._

_It's all true._

“Chloe.” He tried, holding his hands up, as though that made any of this any better. “I'm not going to hurt...you...” He trailed off, eyes darting to his hand. He stared at it, raising it to his face and examining it, turning it around and flexing his fingers. His face fell, eyes widening in alarm as he stared at his hand.

Lucifer looked back up at her, something akin to fear on his burned, scarred face. “Oh.” He breathed, dropping his hand to his side. 

His eyes gained a scared glint to them. It was a look that made her want to hold him close to her and tell him everything was okay, except, right then, she wasn't sure it was the honest thing to do. Lucifer took a half-step back, then his wings burst from his back, and he vanished. Chloe just stared.

The silence that followed threatened to suffocate her.

It was broken by the sound of someone calling her name. Chloe looked up, seeing Dan striding with purpose, his eyes wide and expression desperate. “Chloe!?”

“Over here.” She rasped, and Dan snapped his head up. Relief flooded his features, and he practically ran to her, capturing her in a rib-crushing embrace. He breathed her in, then pulled back, holding her arms.

“Are you okay? What happened?” Chloe shook her head, unsure of to answer. Dan's face creased in concern. He seemed to realize something, his eyes flitting around the area, seeing the feathers littering the floor, Marcus' lifeless body, and the other motionless ones. “...Chloe, where's Lucifer?”

She just shook her head again, and shrugged. “I don't know, he-he just...left.” Chloe gestured with her arms vaguely, staring hopelessly at Dan.

Dan looked at Pierce. “Did he do this?” He murmured, gaze locked on the man who killed Charlotte.

_The world's first murderer._

Chloe nodded. “Yes.”

 

Dan drove back to LUX, glancing at Chloe every once in a while to reassure himself she's okay. And she was fine – physically, at least, he didn't know how she felt.

She was the first one to hop out of the car, it had barely stopped when she opened the door, rushing through LUX and to the elevator. She waited for Dan, thankfully.

When they reached the penthouse, Chloe walked in, looking around frantically. She caught sight of Ella, and walked up to the bright woman. Ella stood when she saw them, hugging Chloe tightly.

Chloe hugged her back, but pulled away quickly. “Where's Lucifer?” She asked, and Ella's face fell, puzzled.

“He isn't with you?”

Dan and Chloe looked at each other, before Dan shook his head and Chloe made a beeline for the elevator. “Chloe?”

“I need to find Lucifer.” She said, the doors closing around her face.

 

Chloe didn't know where to look, she'd assumed he'd gone back to LUX, so she went back to the warehouse. The bloody feathers were still there, scattered around the room. It looked like someone had unleashed a flock of white doves in and shot them down.

White floor, white feathers, red blood. It was an unsettling image.

Two of the men were gone, but the others…

She hoped they were just unconscious.

Marcus was still there, motionless, dead eyes staring at nothing.

_Lucifer. Find Lucifer._

Chloe pushed herself into the room, looking for anything that could lead her to Lucifer. There wasn't much to go on, just his blood and...his feathers.

_His feathers._

Chloe looked around, the various sized feathers all scattered around randomly. Where he'd stood, before he flew away, the feathers around had been pushed back by the force of his wings, making it easier to see where he took off.

Now it was a matter of finding the right trail.

Chloe walked into the middle of the sparse collection of feathers and looked up, seeing white puffs caught on cobwebs and ledges leading up to a hole in the roof – it was a ways up, with some larger feathers and fluffy down caught on the edges of the hole.

She couldn't climb up through the hole, it was far too high with virtually nothing to grab onto, so she was going to have to go up the stairs and try to find the trail from there.

When she reached the top, she searched for her trail of bread crumbs. Where would the hole be up here?

It took Chloe a moment to find it, and it turned out Lucifer wouldn't be as hard to find as she thought he would – as after she got her bearings, Chloe found him but a few blocks away, hiding in an alley behind a dumpster.

The hiding bit seemed unintentional, he was crumpled in a heap, like he'd crashed. His wings were bloody, bloodier than they'd been at the warehouse, feathers falling from them like errant butterflies. His eyes were closed, and his breathing was shallow, but even.

He still had that face.

That broken face.

Chloe shook herself, her hand over her mouth as she took slow, quiet steps towards him. She could hear him wheezing. Her eyes stung.

“Lucifer…?” He didn't stir. Chloe knelt in front of his face, taking care not to touch him as she tried to evaluate his injuries. Did his face hurt him? She knew his wings did – she could only imagine how much it hurt, but she knew they did. 

Where could she take him? Dan and Ella were probably still at the penthouse, Trixie was at home with a sitter, but those were the only two places that popped into her mind, the only thing she was sure of was that she couldn't leave him out here, someone could see him.

Chloe breathed deeply, and took out her phone.

 

_“Maze, I need you to-”_

“Chloe?” Linda asked, her gaze drifting to the demon on her couch. She'd gone back to sleep, still exhausted after her fight with the men.

_“Linda? Is Maze there? I need to talk to her.”_

“Maze is sleeping – can I help? She's had a rough day.” 'Rough day' didn't even begin to describe how it must have played out, Linda had the demons bruises to prove that.

_“Um, I-I don't know – it's about Lucifer.”_

“What about Lucifer, Chloe? I'm his therapist – what happened?”

_“He...he uh...he's-”_

Linda's face fell. “You know, don't you?” She could hear it in Chloe's voice, the waver, the crack of something coming undone. “Is that why you called Maze?”

The silence on the other end of the line told Linda all she needed to know.

_“Listen, Linda, he's hurt – bad – and I don't know what to do – Dan and Ella are at the penthouse, I can't bring him back to my place, do you know anywhere I can take him?”_

Linda remained silent for a beat. “My apartment, go in through the back, then leave him there.”

_“Leave him!? He's bleeding, Linda! He looks like a Goddamn slab of butchered steak, and you expect me to leave him!?”_

“I promise I'll explain everything later, but you need to leave, go as far as – wait, he got his devil face back?”

_“...His_ what? _”_

Linda sighed. “Never mind – just leave him at my place, and I'll tell you everything I know when he's in better shape.” She said, pulling her phone away from her ear after Chloe hung up.

Sighing again, Linda stood up and leaned over Maze, softly urging her awake.

 

Chloe had to go back for her cruiser, bolting towards it like a bat out of Hell. She'd laugh at her analogy, if she wasn't desperate to get back before anyone saw her partner.

When she came back, she held her breath, waiting to see her fear become a reality, but luckily, he'd landed in a rather dead part of the city, a rare, off putting site. Although, to be fair, it looked rather rundown, and the only people who actually would come around here were probably teenagers and drug dealers.

She parked her car and jumped out, walking towards where Lucifer was lying, wings brokenly at his sides.

His eyes were open a crack, but he didn't seem to be seeing anything.

“Lucifer.” Chloe called, but he didn't respond. Chloe sighed, sitting down beside him.

How was she supposed to do this? His wings didn't look like they'd fit in the car – but he could hide them...maybe…?

Chloe shuffled forward, hesitantly touching his wing – Chloe had held a chinchilla once, and back then she'd thought that was the softest thing she'd ever have the privilege of holding, but here, grasping onto Lucifer's wing, she felt like she was touching a cloud. 

She sucked in air when she realized she'd forgotten to breathe, and leaned up on her knees. Carefully and gently, Chloe pushed on the wing, snapping her hand away when Lucifer groaned, like it had burned her.

They were causing him pain, and Chloe had no way of getting him into the car while he was unconscious.

Chloe nudged him, pressing her pointer and middle fingers into his shoulder. “Lucifer.” She said firmly, nudging him again. He groaned, and finally opened the eye facing her fully.

“...'tective?” Lucifer slurred, then winced when he rolled his shoulder to hide his wings. “Fuck.”

He was still very out of it, Chloe wasn't sure he knew if this was real.

Chloe huffed, she couldn't help it. He was still him – just...red. “Hey.” She murmured, grabbing his shoulder. He stared at her, like a man who'd been in the desert for weeks and had just found water, or what he thought was water. “You need to hide those so I can bring you somewhere safe.”

Lucifer flexed his wing again, before pulling it to his back with effort. He gasped, the limb vanishing, melding with his suit like it never existed. Hissing, he tried to do the same with the other, only to cry out when he managed to close it halfway.

Chloe shushed him. “Hey, hey it's okay, it's okay. You don't have to hurt yourself, this is fine.” She tried not to touch his skin, instead gripping his shoulders, rubbing them gently. He stopped, letting the wing lay limp.

Slowly, Chloe helped her one-winged partner to his feet. He was surprisingly light, she thought, heavier than her, hard to carry, and she thought the extra 14 foot limb would add to his weight significantly, but oddly, it didn't. He stumbled, clinging to her like a lifeline.

They got to the car, and he tried to get in the front seat out of habit, but his wing refused to cooperate, so he was stuck in the back. More room, but not enough to sit comfortably with a bullet-riddled wing.

He didn't complain, which made Chloe worry. He always complained, over the smallest inconveniences.

He must have been worse than she thought.

Chloe made sure he was okay before driving towards Linda's address.

 

He was so, very tired. To tired to think clearly, it seemed. 

Everything ached, everything hurt, and everything was terrible.

She'd seen him for the monster he was; a murdering, disgusting monster. And his selfish, loathsome brain had the audacity to hallucinate her, show him that she could care for something like him.

Lucifer could hear voices, vaguely. Concerned, panicked. He groaned, straining to open his eyes. It was blessedly dark, wherever he was. Maybe he'd been locked away somewhere. Hell, maybe? Perhaps one of his siblings finally had enough of his shenanigans and put him back where he belonged.

The voices stopped conversing, and Lucifer felt someone touch his shoulder lightly. Linda came into his field of view, smiling. It wasn't a smile that reached her eyes, a false smile, one that hoped to be reassuring.

It wasn't.

Lucifer stared at her. “Linda?”

The therapist nodded, going to touch his face, before deciding against it and continuing to rub his shoulder. Lucifer narrowed his eyes, then looked down when he remembered what happened. “Oh, right.”

“It's not like I haven't seen it before.” Linda said, her attempt at humor falling flat. “...Why is it back?”

For once, Lucifer had an answer. He wished he still had someone else to blame. “Well, doctor, it appears what are metaphors for your kind are quite literal for mine.” He growled, meeting her gaze. “Cain is dead, I killed him.”

Linda stared into his eyes. Eyes the color of hellfire.

“It's back because I deserve it. Angels don't kill humans.” Lucifer forced himself up, fighting against the sharp pain in his back as he braced himself on his arms. “So, tell me, doctor, what am _I?_ ” He snarled, teeth bared.

She knew what he wanted her to say, she knew he wanted her to confirm what he believed.

Linda remained silent, looking down and away, unable to keep a steady gaze with him any longer.

 

Chloe bit her nails, she had been gnawing at them ever since she got back to her apartment. Obviously, after she put Trixie to bed, her daughter couldn't see her like this; a nervous wreck waiting for something, anything to explain all of – all of this!

She nearly jumped out of her skin when her phone rang, then fumbled for it with frantic need. “Linda?”

_“Hi, Chloe.”_

The Detective sighed in relief, pacing from one side of her kitchen to the other. “Is he okay?”

_“He'll be fine, I think. Maze is trying to get the bullets out of his wings.”_

Chloe inhaled sharply, stopping in her tracks and covering her eyes. She hadn't realized she'd gone silent until she heard Linda calling her name. “Sorry.” Chloe tried to breath, closing her eyes. “This is just – a lot.” She said, laughing humorlessly.

_“I know, it's rough. I'm sorry you had to find out that way.”_

“Don't be, I've been in denial about it for so long I probably deserved that.” She smiled dryly, running a hand through her mussed hair. She wanted a shower – or, better yet, a very, very long bath. “How did...how did you find out?”

_“I, uh, forced his hand. I tried to drop all contact with him afterward, but he's persistent.”_

Chloe laughed, truly laughed this time. Her smile turned fond. “Yeah, he is, isn't he?”

It went quiet.

“Dan and Ella turned in the guy who set us up.” She said, grasping for anything that resembled normal. “Lucifer's going to need to give a statement.”

Silence.

_“Right.”_

...That didn't sound good.

“...Are you sure he's okay?”

_“He won't turn back. I'm not even sure if he can.”_

That sounded worse.

“Oh, well, I mean, I could cover for him – until we figure something out.”

_“That might take a while.”_

Chloe heard someone on the other end slam open a door and let out a string of curse words, Linda's muffled voice, then another sentence of colorful language and another slam. Chloe felt her veins go cold. “Linda? Linda what's going on?”

Every second that passed without an answer Chloe felt her heart rate spike.

_“Lucifer's gone.”_

 

After Mazikeen had finished _oh so kindly mutilating his wings_ , Lucifer stubbornly flew himself back to the penthouse. He wanted to break something, and he doubted Linda would take kindly to him destroying her home – and while she probably also disapproved of him flying on near-useless wings, Lucifer couldn't bring himself to care.

He screamed. He screamed and he broke and he tore through his residence like a tornado, ripping things from shelves and throwing them to the ground, glass shattering and thousand-year-old artifacts finding themselves of the floor, cracked and broken.

Glass and artifacts could be replaced. It wasn't the first time.

Lucifer panted, wings shaking from both pain and unbridled rage. There were feathers everywhere, shaken from his wings like he was a tree in fall. He laughed, the sound manic even to his own ears. What a sight he must be; red, scarred, cackling like some deranged lunatic.

Glass crunched under his feet as he slunk to the bedroom, feet dragging and wings hanging limply by his sides, sliding through the debris like half-feathered snakes.

He didn't bother taking off his clothes – with his wings out it'd be too much of a hassle anyway, and he was too tired to try and fold them away again. Lucifer collapsed into the silk sheets, tattered wings splayed out behind him.

He let himself be taken by exhaustion, crimson eyes drifting shut.

 

Whatever Chloe had been expecting, it hadn't been _this._

The penthouse was trashed. Completely, utterly, trashed.

Her hand covered her mouth as she wandered in, eyes wide.

She stepped over glass, and other shattered things, grateful she was wearing boots. There were more feathers than there had been at the warehouse, covered in dried blood and sticking to various sharp edges where there were none just hours before. 

It was dark, the only light coming from the broken glass doors to the balcony. The only sounds her own breathing and the crinkle of broken objects under her feet.

Chloe sucked in a breath, letting her shaking arm fall to her side. “Lucifer?"

Nothing.

The Detective stepped carefully over overturned tables, glass and splintered wood – was that the _piano?_ \- making her way to the bedroom. It had no door, so she could see the tip of his wing before she was even close enough to make out the bed.

She stifled a gasp when she saw him.

He was splayed out on the bed, still wearing the ruined suit – he was going to throw a fit about the sheets later, Chloe thought – and still stuck with the face of the Devil, red and scorched, with raised scars visible on his skull. His wings were almost as torn as his face, patches of bumpy skin and dried, red blood where feathers had been shot or shaken off. The white that had been opalescent and stark against the blood was now dirty and grimy.

Chloe approached him slowly, her brow furrowed. “Lucifer?” She whispered, fingertips ghosting the wrist of his wing.

The Devil stirred, an eye opening. Chloe felt a wave of deja vu wash over her.

Lucifer saw her, and froze, eyes snapping open wide. They stared at each other, neither of them moving a muscle.

Lucifer suddenly scrambled backwards, forcing Chloe to jump away when he flapped his wings, desperately moving away from her before he hit the wall on the opposite end of the room. Ruined wings pressed against the wall, his eyes wide and fearful.

Chloe felt guilt squeeze her heart, staring at him. “Lucifer.”

He pressed himself against the wall, his wings coming around him in a sort-of protective cocoon. “Detective, _please._ ” He croaked, his throat raw. “I don't – I don't want you to see me like _this._ ”

Instead of stopping, Chloe just continued to get closer to him. Slowly, each step taken deliberately, loud enough so he could hear her. 

Lucifer was shaking, remaining feathers shivering as he did, a few flaking off of him and falling to the floor. Chloe felt her heart crack when she noticed.

Finally, she reached him. He was practically trying to meld himself with the wall, trembling like a leaf. Gently, Chloe pressed her hand to the grimy wing, causing Lucifer to flinch.

“Lucifer, look at me.” She pleaded, nudging her fingers between his wings. They yielded, allowing her hand, but still refusing to open. “Please.”

“ _Chloe._ ” Her name left him as a choked gasp. Chloe carefully pried his wings open. He let her.

His face was angled away from her, eyes screwed shut. Lucifer's shoulders slumped as he gave in, wings falling to his sides. 

Her heart broke, and she stepped into his space, listening to his rabbit-fast breathing as she reached for him. Chloe looked at her hands, resting on his chest, feeling his heart pumping wildly in his ribcage – why do angels have ribcages? Or hearts? Do they need them?

Her hands traveled up his chest, to his neck, then his face. He flinched at her touch, her fingertips barely grazing him. Chloe tilted his face towards her, still barely touching him. Lucifer breathed harshly through his nose, his eyes remaining shut.

“Lucifer.” She breathed, fanning her hands across his face, feeling the divots and bumps on his skin. His skin was leathery, but soft, warm to the touch, warmer than he should be.

Lucifer's eyes flickered open, staring at the ground. Chloe rubbed her thumbs into his cheeks, and the flitted up to hers. His eyes, she realized, were oddly captivating; in a paralyzing way that caught her attention and had her holding them. His gaze was intense, pulling, and…

...and _sad_ , she realized.

His face held a deep, melancholic sadness that made Chloe's soul hurt. She smiled at him weakly. 

“Not to me.” She whispered.

He broke, eyes going wide and glistening with unshed tears. His breathing hitched.

Chloe pulled him down, standing on her toes so she could kiss him. She breathed him in, and while he stank of blood and other questionable things, she didn't care.

She pulled back, finding him blinking at her, wet tears slowly making their way down his face.

“Not to me.” She repeated, and wrapped her arms around him, letting Lucifer cry into her neck. He shook, gasping her name repeatedly, a plea, a promise, an apology.

Chloe just held him, cradling the back of his head in her arms.

Not to her.

Never to her.

**Author's Note:**

> Soooo, how'd I do? Terrible? Not so terrible? Horse shit? Was the pacing too fast? I feel like it was to fast.
> 
> Anywho, I have like....eight billion other ideas I'm playing around with, this show is honestly a treasure trove of ideas, and I keep getting them. This is the first one I've finished so far (started right after I saw the finale, like a week ago...i'm not a very fast writer) and I hope to write much more in the future! (so hopefully i'm not completely terrible)


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